Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Pre-bday blues!

I am usually slow to notice a pattern in my emotions and only last year it hit me. I got back from an amazing holiday in Nairobi and Mombasa with a dear friend and her little kid and had a wonderful time. Then I went back to a life I was very content with in Maputo, Mozambique, working in a dream job presenting my own breakfast show on a music radio station.

It was early Jan, 2011 and the 2 weeks leading to my bday were totally weird. Out of the blue, I wanted to quit my job, leave Mozambique and just cut ties with everything and start a new life elsewhere in the continent, bizarre! My boss then could tell I came back from the holidays a different person and I couldn't explain to him what was going on coz I had no idea myself. Then I started retracing my previous bdays and I thought, f*ck!!!

The previous 2 bdays, also celebrated in Maputo, were not any less weird. Jan 2009, I had just decided to close down my first business and sell it, I broke-up with my boyfriend, had to move out of his house, and was living out of my car for few days before a friend offered me her place for the 3 weeks she was on holidays! All that happened in the 2 weeks leading to my bday!

In 2010, same shit! After giving the relationship a second try, I realised it wasn't working and again 2 weeks before my bday and after only returning from 3 months roadtrip in South Africa to see if we could work things out, another break-up and this time in an ugly way. Homeless again and this time with only $200, no car and no job.

So in 2011, I was determined my bday was going to be drama-free and a happy affair with my girlfriends in Maputo, lol. I didn't anticipate my emotions to hijack the plan and get me in this deep blue that led me to quit my job and pack up my life in Mozambique. Less than a month later, I was in Johannesburg, starting it all over again.

This year, I was confident nothing strange would happen and I had made sure to return to Hargeisa where nothing dramatic can possibly happen. Somehow the blues followed me and it actually started towards the end of my holidays in Zanzibar. Despite the fun, parties, beach and good company I was enjoying, the blues started creeping up every now and then I ignored it. I arrived in Nairobi on the night of the 8th and next few days, I couldn't shake off the heavy feelings. And things got a bit worst once I got to Hargeisa! On the outside, nothing new happened but on the inside, it is like all hell is breaking loose and I can do nothing but watch in total disbelief, again? WTF?!

This is how it goes: I get a sudden urge to move countries, quit job or sell business, shave my hair (one less item on my list), change my wardrope, spring clean dead weight 'friends' and any other time-wasters in my life and just go hangout in the jungle for the whole month of January, Lol.

It sounds totally mad, I know but I am just as unsettled and amused by these feelings as you might be and if there is anyone out there who experiences something remotely similar, please tell me am not alone, lol.


  1. Never heard it that way. Yaani for me the way my birthdays r an anti-climax. I don't think I have ever celebrated my bday with more than 3 people...maybe that in itself should give me the blues. So what else is in your 'Tick-off button?'

  2. I actually like the idea of celebrating it with small close circle of friends. Well, anything self-destructive is on the list, but this year I refuse to take my blues seriously.

  3. Is there a part 2 of this? Did anything wild ? :-)

  4. Looool, sorry only seeing your comment now! No, thank goodness. I will post pics of the bday party, that's the only thing that happened in it was all good.

  5. You are a TRUE NOMAD--it's in your blood. WOW...

    quit job, break up, move out, live in car, move to apartment, reconcile, break up (again), 3 month road trip... homeless, Mozambique, South Africa, Somalia, Zanzibar (TZ)...

    Ha ha ha, my favorite line... "I get a sudden urge to move countries, quit job or sell business..."--if you have not already accepted it, you must. That "sudden urge" that we usually hear elderly people talk about with regards to continence, is actually your BEDOUIN DNA inside of you. It won't let you settle. So you become bored, nit-picky, irritable, hyper-critical and feel that a change of evnironment (hairstyle, job, relationship, etc.) is the answer. I love it. I know a brilliant young lady from Somaliland that lives here now named Faisa. She grew up in the desert and never went to school. But she is less than a nomad than you are.