How corrugated iron, rainy season and poverty gave Africa too many babies.

If you have grown up in poverty in sub-Saharan Africa and you have found a way to escape that life, you will realise the mention of corrugated iron somehow jolts the memories you have safely stowed away years ago and will act as a vivid reminder of just how bad things were in uninsulated corrugated iron housing!

When it rains in Africa it does not come knocking at your roof politely but descends with such angry force and within minutes streets are flooded. Living in a corrugated iron house was stuff of nightmare during this season or any other. When the raindrops touched the thin corrugated iron roof, if you were asleep, you will jump out of bed in shock wondering if 3^rd world war has started! The raindrops sound like a rapid fire attack and as soon as you get your head around the fact that is it just rain, you won’t be able to hear your thoughts again until the rain stops. People who grow up in these kinds of houses (they are not fit to call them homes) have even built their own rainy season mini culture. When the nightmare starts, you don’t bother having a conversation because it does not matter how high pitched your voice is, no one will hear you. If you were doing work that needed concentration, like school homework or God forbid, in the middle of surgery, good luck to the patient. This rather life-disrupting rainy season has it is good side, tho. If it was a tiny house with large families, like most sub-Saharan African family structures with no privacy, this is the baby-making season as it is your only chance to have sex and be as loud as you want with no one noticing. You are totally private and free to scream as you like, for once, right next door to your 14 kids, half of them teenagers who would be embarrassed to death if they heard their middle-aged parents scream with pleasure like hyenas celebrating a kill!

During the hot and dusty season, things get worst for corrugated iron housing residents. Without an insulation to ensure the heat collected by the iron roof is not transferred directly to the house, making it heat up like an oven, you can literally feel your skull bake to the point where you can smell burning skin! The worst smell ever and it is one of those horrid smells which tend to sit in the easily retrievable section of the memory drawers. Those Africa-saving do-gooders with their “less than a dollar a day” poverty theories don’t realise for people who grew up in a poor corrugated iron housing every time we hear poverty, we retrieve the memories of burning human flesh and the deafening sound of raindrops hitting the roof. I want to turn the volume down on their pulled-out-of-thin-air poverty theories as badly as I want to stop the violent sound of raindrops on corrugated iron roof. 

With such nasty memories of corrugated iron housing, you can imagine my response when I visited my cousin in Mpumalanga, South Africa, and she suggested we spend a pleasant sunny Saturday in the nearby Barbeton historical town and check out the famous Victorian corrugated iron houses. I said, hell no! Nothing beautiful about corrugated iron and it was a day too beautiful to be retrieving awful memories of baking human skull. Mpumalanga is a beautiful province in South Africa with some of the most breath-taking landscapes and I was sure there were other more pleasant little towns we could visit. 

Well, I am glad I was persuaded to visit and I learnt corrugated iron housing does not have to be the ugly and horrible experience of my childhood. In fact, I fell in love with these amazingly designed and grand homes. They have added so many beautiful little carved wood details to disguise the sharp edges of the corrugated iron to create more aesthetically pleasing homes than I was familiar with. They also made them properly insulated so residents don’t have to go deaf in the rainy season, suffer from baking skull in the summer or freeze their balls during winter. These houses are absolutely gorgeous and human-friendly, who would have thought corrugated iron could be this beautiful! 

The missing fathers who only show up at make-a-baby o'clock!

A day for Somalis to reflect while the rest of the world celebrates Father's Day. Alarming number of Somali children are growing up without father figures and so many 'single mothers' in hijab, seem to be dropping babies every year for men missing in action only to show up to 'bestow' the women with yet another fatherless child!

Somali men have deserted their basic responsibilities and still demand respect, for what, donating their sperm? For the entitlement to be Presidents of a nation they haven’t managed to feed and raise its children?

I am among the older generation of Somalis in their 30s now who saw better days of Somali men. Time when men honoured their responsibilities, took pride in raising and providing for their families. Time when women were treated with respect and not viewed as sex object or someone to rape and take their frustrations out on. Also, a time when women had more self-respect and did not marry and conceive for any Jack with a third leg. When women did not settle or justify their existence on having babies…For any man!

Some of today’s single mothers will, with such audacity and confidence, advice other single women to “just dust-off one of the loser Farahs and marry him. After all, the aim of marriage is to have babies and if the man doesn’t hold his part, just kick him out after you got your babies”! Seriously?! Silly me, I thought marriage was about a union of two people who have chosen each other and actually enjoy each other’s company and then children were byproduct of this happy union. I also thought children who are born out of happy union and are given love and support grow up to be emotionally balanced human beings and productive citizens.

This is not blaming all the mess that is today’s Somali society on the failed fathers but also on the mothers and women who have settled for less, who do not have enough self-believe to demand the best a man has to offer.  

I am lucky, in that I was rasied by a responsible, loving and a totally dedicated single father. A man who showed up at school in Somalia every Thursday to check on our performance, if we have behaved ourselves and demanded we always get 1^st in class (this last one I didn’t really like but I appreciated it much later). A father who managed to insulate us from the madness that was growing up in Waaberi district of Mogadishu, a place with very little rules and routine and too much fun for children. He taught us how to read, write, wash our clothes, cook and know when social rules were too stupid to obey! Every evening was a family time, we had time to listen to radio, write commentary, do home-work together and just talk and laugh.

I don’t see a lot of that happening in the current Somali families I meet and it is very sad to see children growing up pretty much on their own and with exhausted single mother who can barely manage to provide for them and spend quality time with them. Of course, there are many single mothers and parents doing well and I am happy for the children growing up in those households, but majority, especially the Somali families in the UK, I have not seen a sight more depressing! Single mothers overloaded with children and responsibilities and living in tiny spaces who hardly see the sun. How on earth are they supposed to raise children well when they have no space to breath? And our society, instead of talking about these issues openly and provide support for the families, we are told, go ahead sisters and have more babies! We congratulate women for being tough and raising the children on their own. "Maansha Allah" seems to be reserved for the struggling single mother for marching on when the husband ran off on her and their 6 kids!

Less Maansha Allah, misleading and misinforming women and putting up with the missing fathers, please. Women need to be supported to make better choices in their lives. Why take on this load and spend your few days on this earth slaving because society expects you to make use of that womb and make a baby, who might grow up so miserable that he will happily wear a suicide belt and take few people with him!

Yes yes, before you go quote a Quran chapter on me, babies can be a blessing, I agree. I am not totally anti children or marriage. I am anti create another ghetto culture and have more babies than you can feed for loser ‘husbands’. Somali women can do better and should demand more! However, given the reality on the ground for the slim pickings of cool, sexy, great Farah, marry Steve or stay single and enjoy sex for what it is.

My dad would disown me for these views, lol, but he raised me to think and question stuff. So, here is to a great father, whom we strongly disagree and sometimes can’t stand each other but who did his job so well the guy deserves a goddamn medal!

Happy father’s day to the responsible, loving and caring Somali fathers out there, you are very very few. 

Dear white folks, it is illegal to take photos of or with African children!

Dear white folks, 63 years ago it was ‘noble’ to take pictures with rough-looking black African kids like you were in a zoo. It was still kinda cool and adventurous thing to take back home from your “dark continent” adventures as late as 1990s. In 2013 however, access to camera, flights and communication devices have been democratized and the world is a bit more ‘transparent’.  

Africans, former zoo residents, are out of the zoo and on social media and can see all the weird pictures you post with trusting and ‘cute’ black African kids with big smiles. I don’t think they like it a bit. Ever seen a black African tourist in Croatia posing with a random blonde kid? That shit doesn’t happen so what makes it normal for you guys to come to Liberia, Ethiopia, or that country called Africa and pose with a random black child? So weird! Maybe next time you will be content posing only with the giraffe and leave the children alone. 

The African Union Rep seems to have no regard for violence against African women!!

I was chatting with my friend, Saida, on Facebook just minutes ago following her frustrated status updates regarding the African Union representative to the 57th Commission on the Status of Women (CSW), not showing up! I had no idea about the event let alone Africa sending an official rep on behalf of women in this continent (I wonder how many women groups have been consulted) and when Saida, part of the Kenyan delegation, told me the rep just took off before an important session, I was amazed and furious. So, I googled and found a link with basic info, see bottom of page for details.

Saida posted this on her FB: 

‎”@UN CSWAmazing....the rep of AU who is supposed to speak on all of our behalf in the African continent is missing! Are we surprised that we never influence processes as Africans?”

I commented on her wall asking for clarification and she replied: 

“Imagine how embarrassing, the chair called out for AU rep several times the eventually said " oh i do not see the AU rep so we just move on to....." This is the high level negotiation and general discussions on what the outcome document for elimination of violence against women/girls is going to look like, what language will make it to the document and what commitments states and non state actors will make to addressing VAWG [Violence Against Women Globally]. I am just not impressed!”

Women in Africa face violence on daily bases and at many levels, from domestic violence, rape, lack of education and job opportunities to cultural and religious based oppression, to name but few and this is how the African Union representative acts in a major global event to address the status of half of Africa's population??!!! I am outraged and if anyone reading this knows where to send formal complaints (which will be acted on, preferably), please share. This is totally unacceptable and it is up to African women to ensure their rights and interests are well represented and protected. Please share this on your networks and social media pages and make some noise. Time for African officials to be held accountable. She/he probably went for a beer brake knowing mostly likely no one will complain. 

Here is the link to the event and have pasted the body of the event page bellow it. http://www.eige.europa.eu/content/event/57th-commission-on-the-status-of-women-csw. 

The fifty-seventh session of the Commission on the Status of Women will take place at the United Nations Headquarters in New York from 4 to 15 March 2013. Representatives from Member States, UN entities, and NGOs in consultative status with the Economic and Social Council (ECOSOC) from all regions of the world will attend the session. The two-week session will include a high-level round table, interactive dialogues and panels, and parallel events.

The 2013 session will focus on the following key areas:

1)   Priority Theme: Elimination and prevention of all forms of violence against women and girls

2) Review Theme: The equal sharing of responsibilities between women and men, including caregiving in the context of HIV/AID

Happy Valentine's day

I got back just in time for my valentine date

I was so worried I won’t get a flight in time

Like any relationship, we have our ups and downs

Some days I want to go away and never come back

Sometimes I think we are better lovers with few thousand miles between us

But after a short separation I get these butterflies and long for a reunion

Today, I am just super happy to be sharing a glass of champaigne with my love, Africa!

Basking in its sun, friendly faces, colours, the future is bright, I feel more alive than ever in her presence.  

Asking for forgiveness with the biggest Tusbah/Rosary I could find

 

Maybe critical thinking and a bit of selfishness could free us?

My European winter break has so far been an amazing experience, a different take on London and British-Somalis. Thanks to Facebook and social media for bringing out so many progressive and engaged Somalis compared to the lot that drove me out of London few years back. About a year ago, a friend set up a Facebook Somali women’s page, within a week, we had over 400 members! 

Couple of weeks into the new page, hell broke loose! It was clear the page administrators and the person who set it up were total liberals Vs many other traditional and conservative members. The liberals discussed anything under the sun. There was no taboo subject, after all, what is the point of having a private girls-only space if we can’t chat about sex, men and hijab? At times, the heated debates and the attempted censoring of some debates by some members got a bit too much. After around 2 months, it was clear we needed to introduce basic house-keeping rules to ensure we have a healthy and supportive environment for everyone to feel comfortable enough to contribute and share ideas freely.

Like any other platform, majority of members were silent and just observed (and sometimes shared some of the content with their male friends!), and the vocal minorities had very interesting debates, heated arguments, original content was shared and I was amazed by the number of interesting, educated and super bright Somali women out there. Majority of the members were from the UK, US, Canada and few Australians. This was the first time in my life I met so many Somali women I could relate to, discuss issues with without being put in a clan or hijab box. I wondered then, how on earth did we manage to have a 22-year civil war and a total absence of women in public life and politics with this caliber of women around?! Something does not add up.

Some of the women I met on that page have become dear friends, almost like long lost sisters. It made me wonder how many more are out there and what can we do to widen the network and take it beyond the Facebook page? I have since added all the girls I connected with on my personal friends list and in the last couple of weeks in London, I have managed to finally meet some of the London-based members face to face, and wow! They are even more interesting and amazing in person! I want to spend a lot more time to get to know each one of them deeper, hear their stories, find out what made them join that group, and what do they dream to accomplish in life…So many questions. Which, I am afraid, I won’t have time in my brief visit to find out but now I have put faces to the virtual connections and am sure we will be able to skype and chat online and I will have the opportunity to get to know them better.

What I found fascinating is that from the brief discussions I have had with the girls, each one has an intriguing personal story and past. I am particularly intrigued by the story of two of the girls, both used to wear headscarves and recently decided not to anymore! This interests me a lot because I know the pressures one has to cope in making a bold and an unpopular decision. Some women pay a high price for such a choice, like being cut off by family and friends, like I was many years back. I am fascinated by their stories also because it is great to see young Somalis questioning things, re-evaluating culture, family relations, using their own judgment about important personal decisions and not allowing ‘society’ to decide for them. This is a breath of fresh air. One of our biggest challenges as Somalis is lack of questioning and courage to determine one’s own life path. We are forced to follow what is handed down to us from parents, culture, clan, society and often one’s own voice is discouraged and drowned from an early age. Thinking differently or as an individual is strongly discouraged, if in any way it diverts from the ‘norm’. 

Questioning custom and religious practices is a serious offence. In fact, you are much safer, if you don’t think at all and do as you are told, doesn’t matter if you are 10 or 40!  This goes for all aspects of life, not just in relation to religion. You do as your family does, you respect the rules even if they don’t make any sense to you. Beyond your family, your loyalty lies with the clan. You stand by them no matter what. And when you are abroad, don’t you dare criticize “your own flesh and blood/Somalis”. They are family, whatever bad things they might have done, whatever weaknesses they might have, they are family and we don’t expose or publicly criticise family.

So, you can imagine my excitement when I meet 2 young women who go against this culture and say ‘I am Muslim, a strong believer but I just don’t need to wear a headscarf to prove it, that won’t make me any more or less Muslim’.  Somalis have long been practicing Muslims but had their own traditional costume, which by the way, was not hijab or this new ‘umbrella’ outfit introduced only during the civil war. These ladies restore my confidence in our ability to reclaim our personal space, live a more authentic life, a life true to us and not to please or out of fear of society. This kind of resistance to social pressure, when we manage to multiply it by many more women and youth, then we might have the breakthrough we need to end the circle of cultural violence in Somalia.