A day for Somalis to reflect
while the rest of the world celebrates Father's Day. Alarming number of Somali
children are growing up without father figures and so many 'single mothers' in
hijab, seem to be dropping babies every year for men missing in action only to show
up to 'bestow' the women with yet another fatherless child!
Somali men have deserted
their basic responsibilities and still demand respect, for what, donating their
sperm? For the entitlement to be Presidents of a nation they haven’t managed to
feed and raise its children?
I am among the older
generation of Somalis in their 30s now who saw better days of Somali men. Time
when men honoured their responsibilities, took pride in raising and providing
for their families. Time when women were treated with respect and not viewed as
sex object or someone to rape and take their frustrations out on. Also, a time
when women had more self-respect and did not marry and conceive for any Jack
with a third leg. When women did not settle or justify their existence on
having babies…For any man!
Some of today’s single mothers will, with
such audacity and confidence, advice other single women to “just dust-off one of the
loser Farahs and marry him. After all, the aim of marriage is to have babies
and if the man doesn’t hold his part, just kick him out after you got your babies”! Seriously?! Silly me,
I thought marriage was about a union of two people who have chosen each other
and actually enjoy each other’s company and then children were byproduct of
this happy union. I also thought children who are born out of happy union and
are given love and support grow up to be emotionally balanced human beings and
productive citizens.
This is not blaming all the
mess that is today’s Somali society on the failed fathers but also on the
mothers and women who have settled for less, who do not have enough
self-believe to demand the best a man has to offer.
I am lucky, in that I was
rasied by a responsible, loving and a totally dedicated single father. A man
who showed up at school in Somalia every Thursday to check on our performance,
if we have behaved ourselves and demanded we always get 1st in class
(this last one I didn’t really like but I appreciated it much later). A father
who managed to insulate us from the madness that was growing up in Waaberi
district of Mogadishu, a place with very little rules and routine and too much
fun for children. He taught us how to read, write, wash our clothes, cook and
know when social rules were too stupid to obey! Every evening was a family
time, we had time to listen to radio, write commentary, do home-work together
and just talk and laugh.
I don’t see a lot of that
happening in the current Somali families I meet and it is very sad to see
children growing up pretty much on their own and with exhausted single mother
who can barely manage to provide for them and spend quality time with them. Of
course, there are many single mothers and parents doing well and I am happy for
the children growing up in those households, but majority, especially the
Somali families in the UK, I have not seen a sight more depressing! Single
mothers overloaded with children and responsibilities and living in tiny spaces who hardly see the sun. How on earth are they supposed to raise children well when
they have no space to breath? And our society, instead of talking about these
issues openly and provide support for the families, we are told, go ahead
sisters and have more babies! We congratulate women for being tough and raising
the children on their own. "Maansha Allah" seems to be reserved for the struggling
single mother for marching on when the husband ran off on her and their 6 kids!
Less Maansha Allah,
misleading and misinforming women and putting up with the missing fathers,
please. Women need to be supported to make better choices in their lives. Why
take on this load and spend your few days on this earth slaving because society
expects you to make use of that womb and make a baby, who might grow up so
miserable that he will happily wear a suicide belt and take few people with
him!
Yes yes, before you go quote
a Quran chapter on me, babies can be a blessing, I agree. I am not totally anti
children or marriage. I am anti create another ghetto culture and have more
babies than you can feed for loser ‘husbands’. Somali women can do better and
should demand more! However, given the reality on the ground for the slim
pickings of cool, sexy, great Farah, marry Steve or stay single and enjoy sex
for what it is.
My dad would disown me for
these views, lol, but he raised me to think and question stuff. So, here is to
a great father, whom we strongly disagree and sometimes can’t stand each other
but who did his job so well the guy deserves a goddamn medal!
Happy father’s day to the
responsible, loving and caring Somali fathers out there, you are very very few.
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