Thank you for your World Vision-less

I was watching American Idol last night, yes, I know…I noticed they blurred the Coca Cola cups sitting on the judge’s table. This is presumably because Coca Cola didn’t pay for an advertisement. It reminded of me the BBC’s induction week where they took us thru the history of the BBC and during the week, they gave a talk about the lasting power of images, even when you are exposed to them for few seconds. The speaker showed a BBC clip with a blurred image of another popular brand and explained why the image was blurred. Apparently, there are studies made about how images we see daily influence our choices or ideas subconsciously. I was intrigued by this and from then on I walked around London paying attention to the number of images I was exposed to and tried to figure out how they might influence my choices as a consumer and my thoughts.

If the BBC would go out of their way to control an image a viewer might be exposed to for just few seconds, how about the power a billboard has? One particular photo campaign that bothered me a lot was a “World Vision” poster at the time plastered all over London bus stops. It had life-size picture of a desperate-looking black child with flies on his face and a pot belly. And the pathetic line that accompanied the disturbing picture was something sadder even, “with your help we can combat poverty”! I found it incredibly offensive. Anyone remembers those horrid old Tin Tin cartoons with darkened faces of white cartoons and bright red lipstick? It reminded me of that.

These kinds of degrading images of Africa and Africans have partly contributed to my decision to leave Europe, together with the weather, potatos and the London Underground.

CHANGE

Things are changing faster than I can put them down on paper and I am trying to follow that Buddhist teaching, "observe life and don't get too involve." Bloody hard, I tell ya. So, I am observing that I have to move to a flat, finally! Yipeeee. I am moving with Maria and even tho it is not the palace I wanted to live, it is a good start and gives us both (the wondering nomads) that much needed stability. We move on Sunday, I hope, but I am going to terribly miss living with Emilie at this cool part of town, right next to the beach. Emilie has been super kind and let me and Maria crash at her place, it feels like girls boarding school! I don't think I could survive Maputo's ups and downs if it wasn't for friends.

Sharing house with Maria and Emilie has been very interesting. We have found a way to negotiate TV-watching plan. I watch English programmes, Emilie watches French TV and Maria, Portuguese. So we all get couch-potato moment and are happy with the arrangement. Oh, did I tell you about Emilie's maid's cooking skills? She is the most talented cook I have met in Maputo and she is so creative in the kitchen she makes most delicious dishes and every day of the week there is a surprise!

I am going to miss this place.

On a totally different subject but change-related...After writing something on Facebook about never ever ever working for someone again, I accepted a radio job! Well, I couldn't say no to an opportunity like this. I get to work with the only English radio in Maputo, learn lots about commercial radio and do a bit of DJing, broadcasting, interviewing, selling radio advertisement, and more. Something I realise I should have done years back but better late than never. How ironic, right? I have been struggling like hell to make ends meet for nearly 3 years in Maputo and when I finally find something I absolutely love (Pili Pili Designs), I get offered my dream job! I have accepted the job and started on Wednesday already so let's see how it goes. I have no idea how this will workout but I have decided not to make any fixed plans about life anymore, I am going with the flow and will find out where it takes me.

Great thing about this job, apart from being paid for doing what I love, is that the radio guys will sort out my residency permit! Did I tell you couple of months back residency permit fees increased by like %%%%%! Yep, it went from $200 to $800, mad no? But like the note on Carolina and Helen's bathroom says "keep calm and carry on".

Evolution of African fashion.

Grew up hating African colourful prints and only now do I realise why. Some of the prints are actually beautiful, it is just that some unimaginative tailors and designers got hold of these and made awful curtain-like dresses out of them. Thank goodness finally the right designers have arrived and we can appreciate African prints again. Just love this stylish dress and I want to have a massive collection of African dresses.

Bra nightmare

Is it just me or is it impossible to find a decent bra? I have tried everything and every shape but I am yet to find a comfortable bra. This picture is how all my bras become after only a month or 2 of wearing them! It doesn't matter how much money you spend on a bra it doesn't seem to make a difference to the quality.

Imagine having to wear this torture instrument every day in the name of decency? I am on a bra strike but I wish I had the courage of Charlie Dimmock. Remember that British "Garden" TV presenter who refused to wear a bra even on Tele? The tabloids were obsessed with the poor woman and had shots of her dangling twins on the front page more often than I could count. Still, I want her life. Even at the risk of walking around with unsightly droops all the way to the floor. Or maybe I should just settle for a breast reduction surgery free myself from the monsters with fangs!

Stupid for government

If you haven't got a clue how to deal with discontent against your policies and can not control riots, go ahead and switch off SMSing! That will totally sort out your problem, if you are an ostrich government, that is.

I thought we were beyond the days of Mugabe ranting stupid stuff like Britain is a nation of "faggots", in response to a question about Zim being kicked out of the Commonwealth...Or the late Yassir Arafat totally losing his cool on live TV and screaming at the female journalist calling her..."Stupid woman"!

Is there a "what not to do" TV programme for goon governments? I strongly recommend one.

How to lose weight and find peace.

I don't think I have ever paid a close attention to the link between my bloat episodes and the outwardly 'stable' and 'happy' life I led at the time. You know, the imagined bliss that supposedly comes with having found the love of your life, work/financial stability, having a car and sorted work/residency permit, all stable and balanced life. Soon as life is 'comfortable' and I have nothing to worry about, my body goes on a freaky strike and I have to dust out the size 12 denims and my tummy-concealer black tops! I jump from my usual size 8 to size 12 without a warning...Well, I get few month's notice but I am too slow to pick up the signs till the normally shy cashier lady at the supermarket 'compliments' me in a typical Mozambican style: "wow, you look so fat."...WTF!

Then I have to undo the damage caused by stability and comfort, and run myself to the ground again. My 6-steps-detox-from-happiness goes like this:

1 - break-up and move out

2 - drink like a fish till skin and hair get truely fucked up

3 - close down business or quit job

4 - work myself into a homelessness, no money, then sell the car and spend it all

5 - Skip 6 months visa stamps at the border and become illegal immigrant

6 - Socially withdraw, isolate myself and chop off hair.

Then magic happens, I fit perfectly into size 8, I feel more alive and content with life. I then turn around my life again and in 4 months, I have a place to live, a second business, my hair grows, I cut down alcohol and get into serious yoga.

There must be a less taxing way to feel and stay alive.

If your visa runs out, just breakdown and cry

At my last visa run to the border last month, I was asked to go to the immigration office after 30 days to explain why I have been in the country for 2.5 years on a tourist visa! Fair question, no idea how I was going to explain. They suggested I took a lawyer along as things were serious enough to be kicked out of the country if I can't justify my "over stay"...Shit, I thought.

I never met this 'lawyer', the guy dealing with our company registration process provided him and said he is "very good". We sit in this cold room with a stiff-looking immigration officer and the lawyer and my hangover makes me super patient, I was proud of myself for looking totally unmoved by the whole thing. I calmly explained to the officer that I had my old passport stollen and it had a residency permit (a big lie and praying he doesn't dig into my file to look for the evidence), and I act all victim and poor-me, I have worked damn hard to set up companies in this country with no support and created jobs and the visa and residency permits have gone up a 1000% and what am I suppose to do now, bla bla bla. I figured if I am gonna get kicked out, I might as well exit with a bang (pathetic loud cry, in my case).

Poor officer fell for this and was totally kind and sympathetic and asked if there was anything he could do to help!! What? This is so cool. He was trying to calm me down and offered to charge me the old visa price of $25 instead of the current $82 fee!! Wow! My day is suddenly much brighter and I feel like I have just won the lottery. One more worry-free month in Maputo. Gives me time and space to focus on a more basic challenge of sorting out a housing arrangement.